I know it’s been nearly a year since my last post but those days and months have been met with lots of contention because I couldn’t (nor can I yet) figure out what I’d like this blog to become. Is this a place for me to express my opinions on the world as experienced by me? Should it be a forum to discuss and present fashion? Maybe food? Perhaps it should just be a collection of photographs. In my mind, it can and should be anything and everything all at once. Choosing has never been a strength of mine. I guess I’ve always felt choosing was restrictive and limiting. If I were to choose one thing over another, then it can only be that thing. I wonder if people would understand and/or support me if they weren’t able to categorize what it is that I’m doing.
There were many days where I felt like I’d return to posting but then I was wanting to make sure that what I posted set the correct tone for what was to follow. I sat down, and even lied around, thinking about how to begin the dialogue again. I’ve worried about all of these factors that I have no control over, yet they were controlling me. I worry a lot about the image I portray being honest enough. I worry a lot about not painting a picture of perfection because that couldn’t be farther from my actual truth. I also worry a lot about being able to say something that sparks something in the mind, heart, or spirit of the reader so that they have the courage to begin, continue, or begin again.
I still don’t know which form this blog will take, but I will commit to posting new content on a weekly basis to clear my head and allow you to know some of what I think and feel. I can only hope that it helps you, makes you laugh, or just distracts you from the world for a little bit. I appreciate those who are reading this now, and those of you who continued to visit the site for the eleven months that I’ve been inactive. I check my stats weekly and the amount of visitors I’ve received daily without any new content amazes me. Thank you!
Greetings fine people. My apologies for not posting last week, but as a new resident of Chicago, with a strong preference for warm and hot climates, I’ve been not feeling the best because our weather is changing. Lavarro and I relocated here from Dallas at the end of June so this is our first fall/winter in the windy city. If you haven’t been here, and aren’t aware, the cold is REAL. Right now we’re only in the 30’s, and although we’ve had no snow yet, we did have a freeze warning for yesterday October 22nd.
Another reason for the lack of a post last week was that I was grossed out by the internet. I guess now is a good time to let you all know that I’m super dramatic, and moody…especially when I’m not feeling the best.
Anyway, trying to decide what to write always seems to change from day to day but throughout all of the mental changes and anguish there is always a topic that begins to weigh heavier on my heart and mind than others.
Since you’ve heard from me last, the subject that has filled a lot of my waking thoughts is how to drive more traffic to this blog. How to appeal to the demographics that I feel I’m a voice for. In doing so, I’ve come to realize that the group of people I was hoping to reach initially, more than likely will not be receptive to what I have to say. It pisses me off because if this were a blog of nude male images, with posts of explicit sexual acts then I could quite easily have the most popular site within the gay community. Why is this community so strongly led by lust, temptation, and overt sexuality? I refuse with every ounce and fiber of my being to succumb to the pressure to author a successful site by filling pages with the type of trash that I don’t stand for. I hate to feel like I have to abandon a segment of the population that I feel *hold please* (just got an urge to see if I could beat box…epic fail). Yeah so I don’t want to feel like I’m giving up on a segment of the population that needs more positive light shining upon it. Nor do I want to feel like I’m no longer a part of a vibrant community of passion, talent, and colorful people that has shaped me through the struggle and stigma that we’ve all had to deal with. No matter the socioeconomic status of gays, they’re still seen with a red light cast upon them symbolic of the back rooms and bath houses they’re assumed to be frequenting. It is so difficult trying to work against the negatives stereotypes, while maintaining a connection to the gay community and doing more for you.
I don’t know you guys, am I supposed to continue fighting for an underserved demographic or do I put the energy toward those that are giving positive energy back to me? Perhaps those that I felt I had to reach and who would embrace me isn’t who I’m writing for anyway. At this point my feeling is that I’ll assemble the words in sentences, quotes, and phrases and let my audience decide who they are, and if and when something I say applies to them. I’m merely a messenger, and my message is all-inclusive. #GunsDown #DontShoot
Remember that “Love never fails.”
Until next time…