Being in my early thirties means that all of my friends, acquaintances, and peers are either in relationships, have careers, children or some combination of the three. In addition to some being in relationships, some are even married. Although I didn’t grow up witnessing many (if any) evenly yoked marriages or relationships, I’m still a huge proponent of marriage. I believe that for each person out there is another person fully equipped and capable of being everything that the other needs. Notice I did say needs, and not wants. What we want in a person is usually based on superficial ideals of marriage, love, and romance.
In a dream world, we’d all have partners that are physically fit, eat well, have awesome high-profile, seven figure jobs, they cook, clean, puts it down in the bedroom, anticipate your every need and wish, and has a head full of hair, or are bald by choice rather than by nature. This person is considerate, puts you first, is well groomed, has great, healthy relationships with their family, has never been married, has no baby mama’s or baby daddy’s and no baggage. Most of all, this person is God-fearing and supports our choices wholeheartedly.
If that’s what some of us are waiting for, then we’re in for a world of hurt and disappointment. Partners aren’t perfect and neither are we. I’ve been with Lavarro for a long time now, and although we mostly know each other, we still grow and learn something new about each other every day. I’m so far from perfect that on paper I’d probably seem like the least likely candidate for any form of person-to-person relationship. However, if you’re able to see beyond my need to be the center of attention, and my diva-like ways and antics, you’d discover that I’m a super sweet person that will give anything to make sure those I love have what they need. I don’t know who remembers the Lyfe Jennings song “Must be Nice,” but there’s a line that says, “…someone who’s slow to take and quick to give.” That’s me. That’s the way we all need to be and the way I believe we all want to be but are too afraid of being hurt.
What I seem to notice most is that we’re willing to overlook and accept flaws in friends, but don’t give our partners the same compassion or room to err. We set-up our intimate relationships to fail a lot of the time because we have expectations that we don’t communicate because we think that if the person really, truly loves us then they’d magically know how to treat us and what we need and want from them. This type of thinking is dead wrong. We have to plainly and clearly communicate whatever we want them to know. No excuses. No…*side note* I think I want to be a Japanese pop star. I mean the Japanese embrace quirky, weird, cartoon-like characters who sing poorly but dance well. I may just be able to pull this one off. I’ll run it by Lavarro and see what he thinks. Twenty bucks says he’ll shoot it down, I’ll throw a tantrum, tell him that never supports my dreams, and then he’ll tell me to go ahead and ask what he needs to do and I’ll tell him nothing because I’m over it and would rather have some new Rick Owens shoes or a new Balmain leather jacket. Total and unnecessary drama. But yeah like I was saying before my adult A.D.D. flipped on and took the reins, we can’t make excuses for ourselves but not others. The opportunity to make mistakes has to be equal.
The older I get, the more I’m beginning to notice relationships breaking up, marriages ending in divorce and people who once felt they couldn’t live without one another, doing just that. They’re splitting up, moving apart, dividing assets, sharing custody of the children, and being in contempt of their once loved ones. I can’t take it! It’s weird, it’s selfish, and it’s unfair to me. Yes I made this about me…if you don’t know me, it’s what I do. How am I supposed to remain friends or friendly with your ex if you’re not, and we’ve developed our own personal friendship over the course of your relationship? Do I unfriend them on facebook, and block them on Instagram and twitter? If I run into them and they invite me to their birthday party or house warming do I politely decline or make up an excuse about having plans at the exact date and time of their gathering? Do you see what this is doing to me? All I can say to all of you in relationships is, STAY TOGETHER! If not for the children, then for me!!!
That’s all for this week. I’m not even going to read and edit this post because my mind isn’t functioning at peak performance because I’m on a diet and healthy eating and exercise have made me more impatient than usual.
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